Be aware of the signs

I thought I had made great sucess in the past 6 or 7 yrs of therapy. I am living with an emptyness. Seems like I am on an emotional rollercoaster. This is an inside look at the depression side of bipolar. The manic is still lingering in the form of a heavy burdon weighing on my mind and heart. Seems like bullets are coming at me from all directions. the only thing I know to do is absorb them and hope one don't shatter my ability to reason with myself.

I wonder if I am giving myself good advice or setting myself up for definate disaster!

Appreciation

I think it took me going manic to appreciate my life and all that is in it. It's sad that it took such a horrific event to take place for me to realize I am so very fortunate in my life. There are moments burned into our minds that we nvr forget. I will live with my guilt for the rest of my life and use it as a tool to never put myself in another situation where I cannot control my own actions.

Manic after 7yrs

Thank God for my medication. i went manic the other night after being under months of stress. The sad thing is I destroyed a relationship that needs a lot of time to heal. Gratitude is so hard to come by sometimes. I preach gratitude to the world & I must be the most ungrateful person in the world.

The dream that's coming true

My speech was called What If. I talked about missing children with more passion than I had ever felt. I knew the minute that speech was over something was going to change in my life but I had no idea of what or when.

Fast forward a year or so...

It was a thusday night and tribal council was about to take place on survivor. I had been in and out of the hospital for over a week. Every night I would drive myself (lol yes I like to be in control)to spend the night listening to my babys heartbeat and feeling her move inside. Samantha Danielle Roberts-Wolford is her name. She is named after Samantha Runnion and Danielle Van dam. Two of the children I researched for my speech. Both of those precious children had been murdered. Sami is the most amazing gift life has given me. A gift from God! I start my every day by telling Sami I love her and thank God for her. I remind her how beautiful, smart, and precious she is. I tell her how proud I am of her.

Am I perfect? Far from it! But I have came to believe that the most precious gifts will appear in ways we nvr imagined. I have wanted to be a mommy since I can remember. I didn't know when but I knew it would happen.

First part of the dream complete. Now to change the world through the eyes of Sami Moink. :o)

Sami's Big Day

Sami's Big Day is my first children's book. It is based on the moink characters. I started working on the moinks Jan 07, after mom died. My life would never be the same. My big brother died in July 04. I was forced to withdrawal from school. I was studying to become a k-6 teacher. My brain almost worked back then. Lol Somehow I managed to maintain a 3.5 avg and give a speech that would forever change my life.

I'm in my own way

Everyday I am reminded of how hard it is to stay..should I say, find focus. Seems like it should be an easy accomplishment huh? I have dreams and goals like everyone else. The difference is, I get in my own way of accomplishing them. It's a vicious cycle.

My precious lil girl is feeling bad

Sami came home early today with an upset tummy. Sami is my soon to be 7yr old. She is the light at the end of my tunnel.

It is so easy to forget how fortunate we are. I want to share something I read recently from a book called The Power by Rhonda Byrne. One of the many lessons I learned and am applying to my life talks about frustration. When u reach a point of frustration visualize the most precious person in ur life standing there infont of u.

Sometimes my frustration hit close to home so I visualize Sami standing there telling me she loves me. It's amazing how fast my frustration is changed to gratitude.