What more can a girl ask for than Papa Johns for dinner?
I wanted to start tonights blog by saying thank you for those of you that have read my first post and made comments or emailed me. I am truly thankful for all the feedback and hope you don't feel so alone now. I want to share some things with you tonight that has helped me to reach a better place in this bipolar world I live in. Don't get me wrong I know that I am always one slip up away from having a major backset. Taking my meds has become first priority to me. I am not a doctor and I don't play one on TV. But I can speak from my heart and tell you the things that have helped me deal with things better.
First of all if you are bipolar don't let that diagnoses get in the way and cloud your mind to what and who you are. I like to say I am bipolar but bipolar does not define who I am as a person. I am a kind hearted, loving person that would give you the shirt off my back. I just happen (w/o meds) to be a little jekel and hydeish. ;op
...(BLB) Bipolar lie bug...
One of the things I have worked very hard on in therapy and out since being diagnosed 5+yrs ago is allowing myself to have a good day and not feel guilty about it. Depression is this little lie than can snowball out of control if you don't stay on top of it. I can't tell you how many times I have caught myself laughing out loud and said ohh wait.. I will pay for this tomorrow if I laugh today. Have you ever done that or felt that way? Well it's that bipolar lie bug that gets into our head and tells us we are not worthy of a good day and if you should dare have one you will pay the price for it later. Don't be fooled by the BLB (bipolar lie bug).
Once I reached a point where I really struggled with allowing myself to be happy I decided to try something to remind me it was ok to be happy. So I printed out a little collage of pics that really meant a lot to me. Like the first time I saw Sami right after she was born, the cover of my first book (even though it turned out to be different once published^^), one of me and Lisa and a couple others of Sami acting silly. I added HUGE text on top of the collage that said SMILE :o) IT'S OK TO HAVE A GOOD DAY. I posted that pic right at my desk where I would see it several times a day and I promised myself each time I looked at it I would take a moment to reflect on those pics and allow myself to feel blessed and happy. It may seem like a silly thing to do but it really set the pace for me in the morning.
Keep in mind that "they say" with bipolar we have a stronger (for lack of a better word) reaction to things than one without bipolar. By the way, I refuse to call those people normal, because most of them are crazier than I could ever be. ;op My point is... if we react to things with more sensitivity then why can we put ourselves in a position to react to positive things in the same way we do negative things. Lets get manic over the smile on our baby’s face or the purr of our kitten. We don't have to let bipolar tell us what kind of day we are going to have.
I remember watching a movie and the person was talking about gratitude. Basically they was asking if I was grateful. Well I thought how dare you $%^& ask me if I am grateful. (Yes I talk to the TV). I thank ppl when its appropriate and I appreciate the things I have. But as I really allowed myself to listen and hear what they was saying I realized that gratitude is not just being thankful on the outside but deep in the core of your spirit grateful. If you asked me now what am I grateful for it would be a different answer than it was 6 yrs ago.
Bipolar is always one step away from destroying our lives and we can allow that to happen or we can fight back by going to therapy and better understanding the illness, by taking our meds everyday and understanding that if we miss a day it is no excuse to stop taking them all together. Remember that we may be the one with the title "bipolar" but our family and friends are on this ship with us. If we go down we drag them with us. Instead of letting bipolar remind you of all the things you are not and cannot ever be, look bipolar in the face and demand some respect of who you know you are! Count your blessings...
I am grateful for having made up with mom and being able to share Sami with her. I am grateful for the roof over my head and being able to put my child to bed at night knowing she’s not hungry. I am grateful for having ppl in my life that loves me in spite of my crazy ways. I am grateful for my meds and that I have insurance to pay for them. Of course there are tons of other things I am grateful for but we need to remind ourselves to be grateful and not just let it fall by the waist side.
I would love to hear from you what you plan to do to allow yourself to be put in a happy frame of mind.
Until next time.. Lift yourself into your joy.