Make a difference...

It's so easy to forget what the holidays are meant for. I am grateful I am able to make a difference in a lil girls life this Christmas. Hannah is 7, just like my Sami. Hannah is the lil girl we sponsor every month for just $28. Being a sponsor is more than just paying the $ each month. It's a moment in your life to let a child know they mean something. I am not rich by no means. I am on disability and pinch pennies like most of you. But I have made it a point to remember how I grew up. My mom had 7 of us to raise with an alcholic dad that done everything but the right thing.

I do my best to at least send Hannah a letter each month with a little something in it. Silly bands, stickers or something that lets her know I am thinking about her. I can only imagine how she must feel to know a stranger cares for her.

Make a difference someway, somehow this Christmas and make a childs day.

(((hugs))) Hannah

Did I just hear that?...

So yesterday Lisa and I ate lunch with Sami at her school. On the way out of the building we made our way through the crowds of ppl when to my right I hear someone call out "LESBIANS".  For a second I thought I was hearing things. I turned to look and I am not sure but I think it came from a black lady since she was the one laughing. I went on my way and asked Lisa if she heard that and she said no. So I just had to go back and we did. As I turn the corner to where the "lady" was I see her standing with a crowd of ppl laughing. The sad thing is there was what was obviously their kids standing there with them. I didn't say anything, only because Lisa wouldn't let me.

I am 42 years old and have nvr experienced anything thing like that. What a shame that we are almost in 2011 and there is still such ignorance beging taught to children through parents that obviously haven't learned themselves what it is to be judged.

Day by day...

Sitting here listening to the new Taylor Swift cd, she is such an amazing artist. I feel like a calm storm inside. It's taking some time to get this mania back in check. I have been edgy and snappy. I am determined not to let this get the best of me. I had came so far with my patience and took great pride in it. Things will be fine... I have to much to live for to let it get the last word. It's days like this I wish I could call mom and just hear her voice.

In the meantime I am getting my ducks in a row with my lgbtq As One logo. I contacted a professor of business at UT and got some vaulable information. I'm excited about the next steps.

Mommy daughter day...

Sami & I spent the evening hanging out. We played at the park where I actually had fun on the swings. It has been yrs since I played like that. Sami made friends as she always does. They played kick ball and burried acorns lol.  Then we went to Mc'ds and ate at the big stools. Sami thought that was fun. She played a while on playground then we went home before it got to cold. As we was leaving Mc'ds she said "can we go shopping now" lol

Homework time then a bath!

We have plans to do it again this weekend if it isn't to cold.

Time to move on...

My therapist says I should stop beating myself up. I suppose shes right. Even though thats what Lisa has been telling me for days. The truth is this has been building for months and it wasn't for lack of trying that things didnt't work out. Sometimes it's impossible to share your space with other ppl. For me it is and I have learned the hard way never to do that again. Sometimes the kindest gesture will come back to slap you in the face. I have learned to keep my head down, mind my own business and focus on me myself and I! Beats being used and made to look like a bitch in the end.

Not a moment to soon

Therapy in 30 min. I'm feeling very manic this morning. I wont bother listing all of the emotions just know that this is a very dark place. I'm just waiting for the bomb to blow. Never again will I allow myself to deal with such stress that it puts me over the edge. I feel anger and bitterness and could really use a break from reality right now.

Therapy tomorrow... thank God!

Imagine walking along minding your business and from out of no where you are attacked by something that has no face. It is an energy that consumes me and sends rage throughout my mind. That is what going manic feels like. It comes when it wants to but most intensly after being under great stress.